What is a parent coach?

Good question! Most people think about life coaches when they consider any kind of coach. Or they might think of parent coaching as some sort of therapy or counseling. The truth is that parent coaching is actually about teaching parents to be their own parent coach. To be a presence in their own lives that can bring about a complete transformation in the way they relate to their kids… and themselves.

A parent coach meets with one or both parents on a regular basis to talk through the difficulties and challenges faced by the parents. The goal is to find a peaceful and healthy resolution to situations where the child’s behavior is causing the parent and the child some degree of distress. However, the resolution never takes the form of applying intentional behavioral modification on the child. This kind of top-down intervention never works, and even when it does on the surface, it is tragically at the expense of the child’s self esteem and body-felt sense of safety. Instead, the coach instructs the parent(s) to interpret the behavior as a veiled expression of the child’s inner inner need that is not yet being met. In other words, the child is speaking a unique foreign language of sorts with this behavior, and the parent needs to learn to interpret the unmet need underlying the behavior. 

To do this, the coach works closely with the parents to address each behavior on a one-by-one basis, in a spirit of curiosity, compassion, and self-acceptance. This blame-free process has two components: first is to practice the translational process to learn the child’s underlying need that gives rise to the behavior. The parent and coach proceed along this path together, with the understanding that the parent is not depriving the child intentionally, but there is a simple misunderstanding as to what is actually motivating the child’s behavior.  

The other half of this process is to understand the parent’s reaction to the child’s behavior. Whether it’s frustration, anger, confusion, or even despair, these difficult and uncomfortable feelings are also a kind of communication, but these messages are actually coming from deep within the the parent’s subconscious. These messages from within usually stem from the parent’s own childhood experiences, when some of their own needs were not met, though through no fault of their own. The usual reason for these unmet needs is the lack of atunement between the parent and his/her/their own parents. This lack of connection, together with these unmet childhood needs, are stored up within the parent’s mind and body deep below the conscious level, but they act like internal bombs, waiting to go off when the right trigger is present. This is where the parent coach guides the client to explore the terrain of their own inner wounding. As part of this process, the coach teaches the parent the necessary skills so they can be the tuned-in parent for themselves that they did not have when growing up. This process defuses the “bomb” within the parent that can be triggered every time the child engages in the unwanted behaviors. This allows the parent to approach the child’s behavior with a new lens; a lens that allows them to cultivate the wisdom and insight necessary to interpret the child’s inner needs, and how best to best provide for meeting these needs. 

What are the benefits of parent coaching?

Parent coaching can provide a number of benefits to parents and families. Some potential benefits of parent coaching include:

1. Improved communication: Parent coaching can help parents learn effective communication strategies, which can improve their relationship with their children and reduce conflict.
2. Increased confidence: Parent coaching can help parents feel more confident in their parenting skills and abilities, which can lead to a more positive and fulfilling parent-child relationship.
3. Enhanced problem-solving skills: Parent coaching can teach parents effective problem-solving techniques that can be applied to a variety of parenting challenges.
4. Greater understanding of child development: Parent coaching can help parents better understand their child’s development and needs, which can enable them to provide the appropriate support and guidance.
5. Improved behavior management: Parent coaching can help parents develop strategies for managing their child’s behavior and setting appropriate limits.
6. A better relationship with your child: Parent coaching can help parents build a stronger, more positive relationship with their children, which can lead to increased cooperation, trust, and emotional well-being for both parent and child.